I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
