Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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