yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
