somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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