I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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