birth control should be required to get into college
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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