I'm so fucking centered right now
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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