i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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