I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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