I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sobbing to NWA
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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