I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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