There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
