Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
