I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
