So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
