Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
