just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
