Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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