ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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