At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
