there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you still have your period?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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