You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
