Who wears a wallet chain?!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I want her autograph on my taint
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
