How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
