A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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