I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
