The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Boobs speak an international language.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
