Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
