new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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