Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
