He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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