Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
how drunk are you?
Several
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
