i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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