he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just want nice things and good sex
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
