How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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