Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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