I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
