Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
