this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
