just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You made out with two different species that night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
