I just made out with a guy for $7.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
