I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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