Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
