OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
