You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
