Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
