We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
