she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
