she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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