If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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