physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
